Arthur walks the streets of London.
2nd Jun 2002 - Pork Pie Hat
Yawn. Cant believe it. Its actually warm in London. There must be something wrong
with me. Or the thermometer. This is very strange. But it is a hot day. Maybe its
global warming or the end of the World or something. Its gonna be very bad, venturing
out into the street, virtually undressed, without my hat and coat. I might take a
cardigan just in case though, you never know. But yesterday, the Weatherman told me
it was going to be a lovely day, and it was absolutely dreadful. I mean, that
weatherman must be crazy, or he's taking some very bad advice from somewhere. I was
interested in a picnic in Hyde Park, but gave up the idea when I opened the street
door, whereby a nasty gust of wind entered my trouser leg. When I recovered, I sneaked
out later for some fish and chips. Now, the architectural wonder of London's many
Art Deco Greek Chippys. Or are they Turks. How can you tell? But their shops, all
chrome and stainless steel, are a wonderful fifties relic, something with which I
strongly identify. If you're lucky, you get an splintered chip fork to cut your
mouth open with. Nice. I'm at home in those places, however. Lots of mirrors, and
a nice hot pie display, to warm your hands on in winter, or indeed, English
Summertime, as its sometimes known. Brrrr!
1st May 2002 - On The Buses
Decided to be really daring and brave the London weather on a wonderfully glorious May
day. Took the bus again, although the first bus that came along didnt stop for
me, but instead decided to race past
me into a very large puddle, the contents of which soaked me through to the skin.
Nevertheless, another three of the same bus came along soon after, and it was quite
a tough decision as to which to take. Went for the middle one. Then I got
inspectorised by a very rude inspectors who treated us all like criminals. He didnt
believe that my photograph on my bus ID was me. Just because i'm smiling in the photo,
and not whilst being challenged by this bully. How outrageous! Thankfully, as we
piled from the bus, the inspectors were attacked for their rudeness by umbrella
wielding pensioners. Justice was done. Tragically, however, I found myself alighting
into the thick of it when I reached London. It was Anarchists Day in town, and
everywhere there were police battling it out with protesters. I ran for it as
the turbulence from truncheons swished over my head. I made my escape through one of
the many dickensian alleyways in the City. Ah! an architectural connection that no
doubt you've been waiting for. And believe me, dear readers, it was well worth
waiting for. Cheerio!
4th April 2002 - Troubled Waters
Busy week, what with the Queen Mother going upstairs, to be reunited with the old
man, after all these years. Which reminds me, I was on Tower Bridge the other day,
you know, the one that we didnt sell to the yanks, and I was, as usual, looking
through the gap in the middle of the roadway, you know, where the bridge splits into
two when it has to. I had a leg place strategically on each part of the raisable
surfaces, therefore being in North and South London simultaneously. When a barge went
by underneath, it nearly made me dizzy, what with the scale of the thing. But its an
amazing construction, carrying all that traffic over that loose lipped lump of iron.
Gorgeous job, not a rumble felt anywhere. Only built for the horse and cart, must
have been strengthened somewhere. I hope I was safe. Rule Brittania!
20th March 2002 - Spare Some Change Please?
Hello, desk doodlers. Its wednesday again, just like the one we had last week, except
this time ive blown five quid on a Travelcard to do a loverly London snoop. I went
here there and everywhere, even queued at the soup kitchen. I did look so down and
out. Dont worry, I did sneak a little contribution to the poor box. But Londons rough
sleepers are a true wealth of London. They are the real all-seeing characters. I will
see nothing unless its thru their eyes. And its through them I found some novelty
steps down to blackfriars beach near the bridge. Those steps may have been there
since the days of Traitors gate, I wonder. Just think whos trodden this path before
me. Some other smuggler no doubt. Anyway, we all enjoyed a trip to our own seaside,
shame about the sewage.
9th March 2002 - Tales from the Crypt
Well, here I am in London. Actually made it into Trafalgar Square, next to that
South africa House. It really is the center of the universe, my universe, and that
of the old commonwealth. Anyway, theres pigeons everywhere, even one on my head. I
think its after my prawn sandwich, the one I bought from Selfridges, at a mighty high
price. Personally, I now fancy a pigeon pie, just like pigeon fanciers everywhere,
they would honestly prefer to see these flying rats go in the pot, just the thing
for a nice Sunday roast tommorow.
Anyway, moving steadily along, I must get to the point. We're here to watch myself
walk into the St Martins chuch crypt next door, survey the food, maybe have a rather
naughty item, like an eclair, and then admire the stonework. And thats my tip for
today. I recommend this nook, its a fantasmo experience. Wish you were here. Bring
a bag (for the pigeon)
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